WEEKLY BULLETIN: Parliament Passes New Greens Bill That Allows Workers To Tell Boss To Go And Get Fucked After 5pm, ABCâs âNemesisâ Programme Provides Insight Into How Dumb People Make $400k Doing Fuck All, âSome Of These Sheilas Bikinis Are A Bit Muchâ Says Codger Who Gets Around The Beach In A Jock Strap Masquerading as Swimmers & Jacob Elordi Pays Tribute To Queenslander Roots
11 mins; February 08, 2024
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Dutton Tells Price She Was Useful During Referendum But Us Whitefellas Can Take It From Here, Doja Cat Wonders If The Hottest 100 Is Another YouTube Show Featuring Spicy Food, âWomenâs Tennis Is Reserve Gradeâ Says 24 Match WAFL Superstar & Strava Announces Launch Of New Walking Home Pissed From The Pub Feature
11 mins; February 01, 2024
WEEKLY BULLETIN: The Stanley Cup Generation Will Never Understand Going To School With A Cordial Bottle Full Of Frozen Water Wrapped In Tea Towel With A Rubber Band, Bureau Of Meteorology Says You Know Itâs A Bad Cyclone When Itâs Got A Tuckshop Mum Name and Bureau Of Meteorology Says You Know Itâs A Bad Cyclone When Itâs Got A Tuckshop Mum Name
9 mins; January 24, 2024
WEEKLY BULLETIN: 97% Of Tasmania Now In Line To The Danish Throne After Princess Mary Becomes Queen, Man Suffering From A Range Of Cruel Socio-Economic Issues That Are Simply Unacceptable In A Developed Country Told By His Only Possible Political Alternative To Boycott A Grocery Store Due To Supermarket Chainâs Decision To Not Take Part In Deeply Inauthentic Display Of Americanized Patriotism, Culinary Icon âHogsterâ Dead At 38 After Suspected Heart Attack & Male Matildas Beat Syria
9 mins; January 19, 2024
WEEKLY BULLETIN: âHoly Shit. This Has Gotta Stopâ Says Albo After Reading Folder Titled âGazaâ That Sat On Desk For 60 Days, Crowd At Foo Fighters Break World Record For Most Pockets In One Place, âPut On Sunscreen? What Am I? A Leftie?â & White Collar Man Whoâs Nearly 30 Face Difficult Choice Of Getting Into Bouldering Or Buying A Drone
8 mins; December 14, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Government Bans Vapes Again For The 4th Time, Nationâs Aging Emos Now In Their Picnic Blanket Concert Era, Caravaner Prepares To Drive Slightly Above Speed Limit & Spending Ten Years Trying To Ban Greyhounds And Nightclubs Doesnât Actually Help Anyoneâs Commute
7 mins; December 08, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Controversial Bill Enters Tasmanian Parliament To Finally Legalise Marriage Between Mainlanders And Locals, Which Bank Can Make A Quarterly Profit Of $2.5 Billion During An Economic Crisis? CommBank Can & Country Lad Living In Inner City Share House Keeps Getting Told Off For Leaving Front Door Unlocked
11 mins; November 17, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Optus Compensates Users with "Valuable" Magic Beans Amid National Outage Chaos, Dumb and Dumber 3: "Death to Hamas" Debuts to Lukewarm Reviews, Bank Passes On Interest Rate Hikes, Somehow Rakes in $7 Billion Profit & Owner of Puppy-Farmed Border Collie in 1-Bedroom City Apartment Says Nup To The Cup
8 mins; November 12, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Poor Woman Who Innocently Asked Bloke About His Tool Shirt Given Thirty Minute Lecture On Polyrhythms, Heavily Lawyered Up NRL Superstars Finally Able To Prove Their Innocence In The Face Of Lying Senior Cops, Kim Kardashian Releases Range Of Male Undies That Makes You Look Like You Have A Stiffy & Trick-Or-Treaters Terrify Local Boomers By Dressing Up As Respectful Indigenous Leaders With A Generous Proposal For A Non-Binding Voice To Parliament
6 mins; November 03, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Australia Launches Injunction To Stop European Winemakers From Using Passion Pop Name Unless Itâs From Passion Pop Region Of The Cenny Coast, Nation Patiently Waits For Documentary About The Worldâs Actual Greatest Pop Culture Power Couple, USA Getting That Familiar Urge To Leave Another Country With Average Age Of 15 And No Libraries & Chubby Baby Sits Up In Pram To Survey Her World Like A Gluttonous Ancient Warlord
8 mins; October 27, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Jacinta Price Figures That Optus Must Be Down After Not Receiving One Phone Call From Coalition Colleagues Since Campaign Ended, Local Man Smiles At Teenagers Drinking In Park As He Realises He Will Never Have As Much Fun As Them Again, Engineer Mate Slightly Odd & Waiter Doesnât Know How Much Trouble Heâs In After Rich Old Duckâs Skim Decaf Cap Isnât Hotter Than The Surface Of The Sun Like She Asked For
6 mins; October 20, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: New Netflix Doco Tells Story Of A 48-Year-Old Englishman Unable To Convey Emotion With His Face, Melbourne Man In Sydney Gets Lost Again Because Life Is Difficult When Itâs Not Presented To You In A Perfectly Symmetrical Grid System & Local Midwife Has Baby Advice That Contradicts Everything The Other Midwife Said On Previous Shift
8 mins; October 13, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Mecca Cosmetics Release Tutorial For How To Perfect Those Smokey Reece Walsh Eyes, Marketing Manager Reclines With Glass Of Scotch After Several Hours Discussing What Font To Use In Brochure, Local Young Couple Decide To Try The Rental Market On Hard Mode By Getting A Dog & Local Woman Not Sure She Can Be Into F1 Boys Anymore After Finding Out Most Of Them Are Under Six Foot
7 mins; October 06, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: What Is Bogancore?, Dan Andrews Resigns To Spend More Time With Family, Bill Gates And The Chinese Government, Brisbane Lions Fan Bonds With Broncos Fan About How The Rest Of Australia Can Suck Their Dicks & Narcos Season 4 To Be Set In A Suburban Australian Tobacconist
9 mins; September 29, 2023
Bureau of Meteorology Says Property Developers Are About To Learn Why Theyâve Been Warning Them Against Building These Fucking Windless Black And Grey Hell Scapes On The Low-Lying Outskirts OfWEEKLY BULLETIN: Major Cities Without So Much As A Fucking Tree To Sit Under, Referendum Providing Best Material For A Social Media Cull Since Vax Rollout & Local Bloke Utterly Obsessed With Roman Empire Because He Too Would Like To Be Destroyed By Goths
7 mins; September 22, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: HR Manager Agrees That Sucks But Have You Considered Shutting The Fuck Up And Pretending Youâre OK, Nation Shocked The Same Old Men Who Thought Gays Should Stay The Fuck Away From Marriage Also Think Indigenous People Should Stay The Fuck Away From Parliament & 65-Year-Old GP Takes Off Stethoscope After A Long Hard Day Of Fat-Shaming And Telling Depressed People To Buy Some Runners And Wake Up To Themselves
8 mins; September 15, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Cost-Of-Living-Crisis Sees Local Girl Return To The Broke Womanâs Mecca, Local Woman Realises Mates Grew Up In Significantly Different Socio Economic Bracket, New âFeed A Family Of Four For $10â Ad To Include A $2 Bag Of Rice, $3 Tomatoes And A Map Of Ibis Hotspots
6 mins; September 08, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Couple Whoâd Happily Elope Guilted Into Spending House Deposit To Appease Both Sides Of The Family, Gen-Z Attempting To Emulate 1990s Still Not Doing It Properly Until They Commit To The Africa' & Woman Aware Why Older Couple At Bar Want To Buy Her A Drink Also Conscious Of The Cost Of Living Right Now
12 mins; September 01, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: âHelp! How Do We Stop Shoplifting!?â Says Supermarket Duopoly, âVote No To Indigenous Voice!â Says Same Heroic Aussies That Saved Our Environment And Housing Market, ABC Four Corners Reveal AFL Has A Problem With Homosexuality And Basically Anything Not Missionary & Woman Who Refuses To Fart In Front Of BF Unaware Heâs Heard Her Give An Absolute Performance In Her Sleep
8 mins; August 25, 2023
WEEKLY BULLETIN: Local Woman Now An Expert, Another Local Woman Actually Enjoys Watching Sports Now That Messy Buns And People Being Nice To Each Other On The Field Exists, Stupid Airline Makes Out-Of-Touch Ad About Some Weeb Living In Japan Flying Home Business For His Mumâs Birthday Like Thatâs Normal & 30 Something Man Totally Fine With Listening To Music He Loved As A Teenager Until The Day He Dies
8 mins; August 18, 2023
Sunshine Coast Property Developer has revealed that âAll The Aboriginals Heâs Spoken To Are Voting Noâ, Woman Who Left Church Wonders If It Was The Right Choice, Influencer Who Refuses To Wear Fast Fashion Unaware They Snort 4 Square Metres Of Rainforest Every Weekend & Australia Retain Ashes In Most Satisfying Way Possible
5 mins; July 28, 2023
Nations Women Urged to Avoid Men Who Wear Three Kinds of Shoes, Veteranâs Severe PTSD And Lack Of Housing Has Suddenly Been Fixed After Nation Gets Pissed In His Honour, Dweeby Construction Engineer At First On Site Job About To Learn Some Things Not Taught At Uni & Would You Like to Tip?
6 mins; April 28, 2023
Dutton Says If Indigenous Want A Voice To Parliament They Can Pay Millions To Lobbyists, Pauline Condones Racism and Bigotry but Draws the Line at Homophobia, Local Girlâs Melbourne Trip Declared Roaring Success After Managing To Nab A Lune Croissant & Girlfriend Who Has Never Expressed An Interest In F1 Knows An Awful Lot About Charles Leclerc
8 mins; April 06, 2023