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The Local Big Time Show
A television talk show about the absurdities of everyday life.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.
52 mins; May 31, 2023
College is a $120,000 hooker, and you’re the idiot that fell in love with her.
51 mins; May 15, 2023
You can do it! - Tequila
41 mins; May 08, 2023
It's gonna be May
54 mins; May 01, 2023
I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
64 hours 44 mins; April 17, 2023
Life is soup and I'm a fork.
26 mins; April 03, 2023
If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.
73 hours 26 mins; March 27, 2023
March is the month God created to show people who don’t drink what a hangover is like.
95 hours 28 mins; March 20, 2023
Happier than a seagull with a French fry.
98 hours 31 mins; March 14, 2023
Time to Spring clean to the music I used to club to
39 mins; March 06, 2023
I'm sorry for the things I said when it was winter.
82 hours 0 mins; February 27, 2023
Winter is like Monday but… longer.
99 hours 26 mins; February 20, 2023
Life is short, but so is my attention span.
54 mins; February 06, 2023
What is Canada’s national board game?
110 hours 10 mins; January 29, 2023
A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
69 hours 7 mins; January 23, 2023
Does shivering count as exercise?
90 hours 1 min; January 16, 2023
I'm not buying a 2023 calendar... until I see the trailer.
75 hours 35 mins; January 08, 2023
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
61 hours 58 mins; December 18, 2022
Winter hibernation mode on.
68 hours 33 mins; December 12, 2022
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
89 hours 30 mins; December 04, 2022
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
72 hours 7 mins; November 27, 2022
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
78 hours 32 mins; November 20, 2022
Blind man walks into a bar... And a table, and a chair.
61 hours 47 mins; November 13, 2022
Please tell your tits to stop looking at my eyes.
59 mins; November 06, 2022
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
69 hours 1 min; October 30, 2022
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
44 mins; October 24, 2022
Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
40 mins; October 17, 2022
The Local Big Time Show Season 1 Finale
82 hours 20 mins; October 09, 2022
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong
77 hours 3 mins; October 03, 2022
My girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so we started using lube.
119 hours 50 mins; September 26, 2022
Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.
82 hours 39 mins; September 19, 2022
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
100 hours 29 mins; September 12, 2022
Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
136 hours 20 mins; August 29, 2022
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
83 hours 35 mins; August 22, 2022
Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.
96 hours 16 mins; August 15, 2022
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
86 hours 37 mins; August 09, 2022
Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
75 hours 0 mins; July 31, 2022
Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt . . . wakes up with a stinky finger
114 hours 4 mins; July 18, 2022
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil
78 hours 10 mins; July 10, 2022
In a relationship with Air Conditioner.
56 mins; July 05, 2022
America’s a family. We all yell at each other, and it all works out.
59 mins; June 29, 2022
I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor.
72 hours 51 mins; June 20, 2022
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
70 hours 56 mins; June 13, 2022
I plan on avoiding embarrassing Tan lines by strictly sticking to indoor activities.
68 hours 6 mins; June 06, 2022
I’m going to spend Labor Day putting my liver to work.
63 hours 48 mins; May 31, 2022
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
78 hours 54 mins; May 23, 2022
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk
55 mins; May 16, 2022
Dear Winter, I'm breaking up with you Summer is hotter
58 mins; May 02, 2022
Friday is the beginning of my liver’s work week.
45 mins; April 24, 2022
Golf is just the adult version of an Easter Egg Hunt.
49 mins; April 17, 2022
I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
52 mins; April 10, 2022
The perfect family board game is one that can be played each time with fewer pieces.
71 hours 36 mins; April 03, 2022
Trust me, you can dance — Alcohol.
96 hours 12 mins; March 27, 2022
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
56 mins; March 21, 2022
I always cook with beer, sometimes I even add it to the food
59 mins; March 14, 2022
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
73 hours 39 mins; March 07, 2022
The world is now too small for anything but brotherhood
73 hours 39 mins; February 28, 2022
I ordered a soda caffeine-free, low sodium, no artificial flavors. They brought me a glass of water.
73 hours 39 mins; February 22, 2022
The last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood.
73 hours 39 mins; February 17, 2022
I think my guardian angel drinks.
54 mins; February 05, 2022
I don't sugar coat shit, I'm not Willy Wonka.
69 hours 53 mins; January 31, 2022
No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.
55 mins; January 23, 2022
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
45 mins; January 16, 2022
"If you fall, I'll be there." — Floor
62 hours 1 min; January 09, 2022
If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library.
58 mins; January 03, 2022
Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go.
50 mins; December 28, 2021
Life is not a fairy tale. You lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
71 hours 58 mins; December 18, 2021
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
51 mins; December 12, 2021
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
86 hours 24 mins; December 05, 2021
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography
52 mins; November 28, 2021
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus.
53 mins; November 25, 2021
If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would fart…
65 hours 9 mins; November 21, 2021
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
39 mins; November 14, 2021
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
43 mins; November 07, 2021
Fish and visitors stink after three days.
19 mins; October 31, 2021
In God we trust; all others pay cash.
45 mins; October 25, 2021
A Wise Man Poos On Company's Time
32 mins; October 18, 2021
Welcome To The Local Big Time Show
74 hours 9 mins; October 12, 2021
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