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“I Wasn’t That Bad At The Christmas Party Was I?” Asks Man Whose Name Has Been Escalated To Global HR

2 min; December 18, 2023

Nation’s Drug Dealers To Begin Upselling Customers With Irresistible Bonus Vape Deals

2 min; December 17, 2023

He's Back!

2 min; December 14, 2023

Jesus Reveals Over Half The Prayers He's Currently Receiving Are From Couriers Please Customers Praying For The Safe Delivery Of Their Package

2 min; December 13, 2023

Office Manager Insisting On A Kris Kringle In This Fucken’ Economy

2 min; December 12, 2023

Palaszczuk Resigns As QLD Premier, Plans To Move Into London Sharehouse After Life-Changing Euro Trip

3 min; December 11, 2023

Taylor Swift Makes A Bold Statement: “Free P.. Free Pale.. Free Pale Ales For Concert Dads!”

3 min; December 10, 2023

“No… Not Alan” Sighs Stoic Boomer Coming To Terms With The Fact It Might Actually Be All True

3 min; December 07, 2023

"Righto Fellas, Sort It Out In The Nets" Says Nation To Mitchell Johnson And Dave Warner

2 min; December 06, 2023

Local Influencer Gives Child A Catalogue Of Beige Coloured Toys To Choose From For Christmas

2 min; December 05, 2023

Turns Out Spending Ten Years Trying To Ban Greyhounds And Nightclubs Doesn’t Help Anyone’s Commute

2 min; December 04, 2023

Local Bloke Helps Wife Prepare House For Guests Coming Over By Cleaning The Shed

1 min; December 03, 2023

Mum Who Thinks Son’s Chirpy Mood Is Due To A Love Interest Has No Idea He Just Cracked 100kg

2 min; November 30, 2023

Local Truckie Starting To Get Excited Now That Christmas Is Only Three Sleeps Away

1 min; November 29, 2023

Boys Come Together To Farewell 5’5 Mate Who’s Off To The North Pole To Work In Santa’s Factory

2 min; November 28, 2023

Foreign Tradie Mocked By Foreman For Completing Job Quickly And To A High Standard

2 min; November 27, 2023

Ridley Scott Wastes $200 Million In Futile Attempt At Making Greatest Napoleon Movie Of All Time

2 min; November 26, 2023

RBA Chief Michele Bullock Wants People Under 35 To Simply Exist To Service A Mortgage

3 min; November 23, 2023

Cousin Who Just Finished 1st Year At Regional Uni Returns For Christmas With Supreme Piss Fitness

2 min; November 22, 2023

Local Chihuahua On Its Way To Fuck Up The Biggest Dog In The Park

1 min; November 21, 2023

South Australian Man Gives Birth To World Record 11 Sons

1 min; November 20, 2023

Country Lad Living In Inner City Share House Keeps Getting Told Off For Leaving Front Door Unlocked

2 min; November 19, 2023

Solo Continues Aggressive Expansion Into Non-Soft Drink Markets

2 min; November 16, 2023

Dad Finally Agrees To Exercise For 1st Time In A Decade By Sprinting As Fast As He Can For 1 Hour

2 min; November 15, 2023

Which Bank Can Make A Quarterly Profit Of $2.5 Billion During An Economic Crisis? CommBank Can

3 min; November 14, 2023

What The Heck? ANZ Also Made A Record Profit During This Economic Crisis? No Way...

3 min; November 13, 2023

Sober Teenagers Punch On With Pissed Adults

3 min; November 12, 2023

McChungus Begins Day With Hotcakes

2 min; November 09, 2023

“So It’s Proper Fucked Today?” Asks Optus User Who Just Assumed She Was In One Of 350k Black Spots

1 min; November 08, 2023

Owner Of Puppy-Farmed Border Collie Living In 1 Bedroom City Apartment Says Nup To The Cup

2 min; November 07, 2023

Denmark Ignored By Everyone Over Danish Feta Naming Rights Because Nobody Cares About Denmark

3 min; November 06, 2023

Cleary Forced To Uproot His Life And Move To Spain After Fowler Signs For Real Madrid

2 min; November 05, 2023

Nathan Cleary Spotted Getting Sized Up For A Purple Suit At Perth Tailor Following Matildas Win

2 min; November 02, 2023

Heavily Lawyered Up NRL Superstars Finally Able To Prove Their Innocence In The Face Of Lying Senior Cops, Which Makes Ya Wonder What Happens To The Young Indigenous Men Who Don't Have Access To The Best Legal Representation In The Country

3 min; November 01, 2023

Poor Woman Who Innocently Asked Bloke About His Tool Shirt Given Thirty Minute Lecture On Polyrhythms

2 min; October 31, 2023

“Cruise Ships Are Just Full Of Gastro” Says Millennial Who Lost 15 Kilos In Bali

2 min; October 30, 2023

Local Weirdo Who Usually Dresses as Ledger’s Joker Each Year, Goes Full Creep And Turns Up As Jigsaw

2 min; October 29, 2023

Family Run Mountain Cafe Giving Very Culty Vibes

3 min; October 26, 2023

Swiftie Informs Boyfriend They’ll Be Doing Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce Costumes For Halloween

2 min; October 25, 2023

Local Woman Attributes Strong Immune System To Taking Chomps Out Of The PCYC Pool Noodles As A Kid

2 min; October 24, 2023

Nation Patiently Waits For Documentary About The World’s Actual Greatest Pop Culture Power Couple

3 min; October 23, 2023

Shutting The Fuck Up About Something You Know Nothing About Simply Not Okay, Says Melbourne

3 min; October 19, 2023

Brisbane Mum Says She Might Be Biased But Poincianas In Full Bloom Shit All Over Jacarandas

2 min; October 18, 2023

A Guide To The Only 6 Hobbies You’re Allowed To Choose From When You’re A Man In Your Mid Thirties

3 min; October 18, 2023

Wallabies Coach Eddie Jones Pulls a Beyonce on Rugby Australia

2 min; October 17, 2023

Jada Pinkett Smith Reveals True Soulmate Was Canadian Actor And ‘Enthusiastic Lover’ John Candy

2 min; October 16, 2023

Girlfriend Coming Back From Bottomless Brunch Craves Human Flesh

1 min; October 15, 2023

Local Midwife Has Baby Advice That Contradicts Everything The Other Midwife Said On Previous Shift

2 min; October 11, 2023

Local Woman Finds Herself Thinking About That Dog They Sent Into Space Again

2 min; October 09, 2023

Bloke Scrolling Girlfriend’s Notes App For Groceries Finds Weird List With His Handsome Mates Names On It

1 min; October 08, 2023

“I Don’t Know Why Everyone Doesn’t Move Here!” Says Mate Who Took Last Job Available In Adelaide

2 min; October 05, 2023

Local Young Couple Decide To Try The Rental Market On Hard Mode By Getting A Dog

2 min; October 04, 2023

Albo Quietly Terrified About How QLD Is Going To Make Nation Suffer For Double Grand Final Losses

3 min; October 03, 2023

Marketing Manager Reclines With Glass Of Scotch After Several Hours Discussing What Font To Use In Brochure

1 min; October 02, 2023

Your Summer Guide To Australia’s Diverse Range Of Emotionally Stunted Fuckboys

3 min; September 28, 2023

Is This Meat Processed? Asks Customer of Smiley Fritz Log

2 min; September 27, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Dan Andrews Resigns To Spend More Time With Family, Bill Gates & the Chinese Government

1 min; September 26, 2023

What Is Bogancore? The Unique Australian Aesthetic That Has Taken The World By Storm

4 min; September 25, 2023

French Backpacker In Critical Condition After Realising Price Of Aussie Cigarettes Wasn’t A Joke

2 min; September 24, 2023

Aussie Billionaire Donates Millions To Anti-Indigenous Voice Campaign Because He Hates Division

2 min; September 21, 2023

Local Bloke Utterly Obsessed With the Roman Empire Because He Too Would Like to Be Destroyed By Goths

2 min; September 20, 2023

Family-Orientated Business Totally Cool With Maternity Leave As Long As It’s Unpaid And You Don’t Come Back

2 min; September 19, 2023

Motorist Prepares to Be Absolutely Ripped Off, After Taking Car to Mechanic to Cute Building in Nice Part of Town

2 min; September 18, 2023

NSW Police Say They’d Love To Stop Gang Shootings But Then Who’s Gonna Shut Down All The Fun Pubs?

2 min; September 17, 2023

A Merciless Bully From Highschool Days Posts Heartwarming Words of Support for RUOK? Day

1 min; September 14, 2023

Colleague Who Was Told To Be Discreet About a Pay Rise Returns to Work Rocking a Full Head of Foils

1 min; September 13, 2023

Out of Touch Inner City Yuppy Secures $3Million To Build Homes For Domestic Violence Victims and Veterans

3 min; September 12, 2023

Girl Who’s Always Late Naively Thinks That Everyone Else Also Finds It A Quirky And Endearing Habit

1 min; September 11, 2023

Timothée Chalamet Hit With Kardashian Curse As His Points Per Game Average Drops By Nearly Half

2 min; September 10, 2023

Son Stuck In Japan Unable To Make It Home To Surprise Mum Because Alan Joyce Willingly Sold Him A Ticket To A Cancelled Flight

2 min; September 07, 2023

Meg Ryan Gives Permission For Iconic Orgasm Scene To Be Used By The Indigenous Voice Yes Campaign

2 min; September 06, 2023

No Campaign Fears Indigenous Voice To Parliament Will Bypass 7 Layers Of Well-Paid White Saviours

3 min; September 05, 2023

Resort Guest Just In Awe Of The Omelette Man’s Skills

1 min; September 04, 2023

ACT Government Becomes First State Or Territory To Implement Hamsterdam

5 min; September 03, 2023

Betoota Editor Clancy Overell Poses With His New BMW X5 Paid For By Pushing The Woke Pro-Voice Agenda

2 min; August 31, 2023

Woman Aware Why Older Couple At Bar Want To Buy Her A Drink Also Conscious Of The Cost Of Living Right Now

1 min; August 30, 2023

Dolphin’s Number One Ticket Holder Barry Gibb Arrives In Redcliffe Ahead Of Mad Monday Celebrations

2 min; August 29, 2023

“Why Should The Indigenous Get Special Treatment?” Asks Baby Boomer Who Went To University For Free And Lives Off The Sweat And Tears Of 20 Underpaid And Overworked Millennial Rental Tenants That Pay Off His Negatively Geared Property Portfolio That Was Accrued After A Lifetime Of Being Gifted Public Money Through A Comically Unfair Franking Credit System That Had Absolutely Fucked Our Economy Even Before The Entire Nation Was Ordered To Stay At Home For Three Years To Protect His Precious Lungs

3 min; August 28, 2023

Gen-Z Attempting To Emulate 1990s Still Not Doing It Properly Until They Commit To The Africa

2 min; August 27, 2023

'Help! How Do We Stop Shoplifting' Says Supermarket Duopoly That Replaced Staff With Computers

2 min; August 24, 2023

Inside: Peter Dutton's Seafood Chowder Recipe From Kitchen Cabinet

4 min; August 23, 2023

ABC Four Corners Reveal AFL Has A Problem With Homosexuality And Basically Anything Not Missionary

2 min; August 22, 2023

“Woman Are A Pillar Of Rugby Union. They Give Birth To Wallabies” Explains RA Boss Hamish

2 min; August 21, 2023

Stupid Airline Makes Out Of Touch Ad About Some Weeb Living in Japan Flying Home Business For His Mum's Birthday Like That's Normal

5 min; August 20, 2023

Matilda's Semi Final Appearance Culminating in 11 Million Aussie Viewers, Not A Bad Result At All

2 min; August 17, 2023

Local Woman Now A Submersible, Mushroom and Soccer Expert

1 min; August 16, 2023

Jetstar Advertise $109 Flights To Tokyo Providing You Leave During A Specific Week in March At 2am In 2027

2 min; August 15, 2023

Sydney Man Rocks Up To Work In City To Surf Bib, Just In Case Anyone Wasn't Aware That He Raced On Sunday

1 min; August 14, 2023

Poll Finds Dan Could Poison Dogs In Fitzroy Gardens And Voters Would Still Prefer Him Over Victorian Libs

2 min; August 13, 2023

Man Who Left His Towel On The Floor Yet Again, Served Up Mushroom Risotto For Dinner

2 min; August 13, 2023

Single Bloke Without a Mortgage Throws Up Bali As Possible Mad Monday Option Into Ressies Group Chat

2 min; August 10, 2023

Man Comes to Terms With Aging By Admitting He Likes Pistachio Flavoured Icecream

1 min; August 09, 2023

People Who Are Pretty Much Dead Want Say In Future Housing Plan

3 min; August 08, 2023

Nan Throws Out Iconic Danish Biscuit Tin in Show of Solidarity With The Matildas

1 min; August 07, 2023

Deadbeat Mate Living Off Corporate Misso’s Income Is Gonna Have To Leave Barbieland One Day

2 min; August 03, 2023

Blue-Haired Constitutional Law Expert Helps Win Support For the Voice By Branding Anyone Who Might Vote No a Stupid Redneck

2 min; August 02, 2023

Popularity Of Barbie And Matildas Proves All Women Need Is The Marketing Budget Of A Dead Rubber Origin

3 min; August 01, 2023

Joyce Apologises As New Owner Of His Mosman Mansion Finds Secret Room Full Of Stolen Luggage

2 min; July 31, 2023

Nan Needs A Lie Down After Granddaughter Explains She’s Dating And It’s Exclusive But He’s Not Her Boyfriend

1 min; July 30, 2023

"This Will Solve Our Image Problem" Says Rugby Australia's Marketing Pigeon Signing Off On RM x Wallabies Collab

4 min; July 27, 2023

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